In the Cycle of Conflict article, I described in detail the 4 Stages of Conflict. In this article I will summarize and explain the actions the Receiver would need to take to help stop the cycle and repair the damage inflicted on the relationship.

         1. The Receiver must be empathetic, ask thoughtful questions, listen and learn all they can about the unhealed emotional wounds of their partner. They will not know what kind of ointment to help apply if they do not understand the cause of the wound.

         2. Ask sympathetic questions and understand what actions constitute salt and make sure you never it pour on the wound again. You need to know what actions you can take that would be healing for their partners wound.

         3. As your partner is working through the painful memories and healing process, you must have patience and demonstrate unwavering support for the Sender. You must be selfless and put aside your pain to provide the comfort and security the Sender needs to feel safe and secure in the relationship.

         4. Realize your partner is not perfect and give them some latitude. When you notice your partner disappointed and upset, do not ignore these warning signs. Be patient, calm, ask them how you can help and do what you can so they can soothe themselves.

         5. As your partner is talking, look them in the eyes, listen with compassion and genuine empathy. Mirror back to your partner to make sure they know you understand the issue, validate their feelings and give authentic affection and abundant TLC!

         6. If the Sender does have an outburst, you must have the courage to stand firm in the face of the storm, do not try to defend your position, argue with the sender, resort to spiteful verbal darts, bring up and throw past events into their face and further escalate the already toxic atmosphere

         7. After the episode, you need to drop your defenses, not be stubborn and help calm the situation. Take responsibility for your part of the interaction and discuss the real issue. You should never condone the reactions but you must validate their feelings.

         8. If the Sender does take responsibility and apologize for their actions and behaviors, they usually will be feeling embarrassed and ashamed by their behaviors. It is imperative for you to demonstrate a sincere willingness to forgive them, hold them gently and genuinely give them massive doses of tender loving care, unconditionally.

         Glenn Cohen
?I-TO-WE?Relationship Coaching?/ www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com

         I offer Free Quizzes, e-Programs; Special Reports, Newsletter and Free 30 minute Coaching Sessions. The Programs Page http://www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/programs.html will list the special 5-session introductory programs I offer for all 6 Stages of Relationships. If you have any questions or comments, please Contact Me http://www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/contact-me.html Please visit my website at http://i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/ to see how I help Individuals, Singles and Couples to find and keep their Best Friend during the Day, Lover at Night and Partner for Life.